i have a child now...

...and this is hilarious!


Created by Oatmeal

happy hallmark day

Is it more cliche to say that I hate Valentine's Day or to state the obvious fact that this "holiday" madness was created by Hallmark?

Don't get me wrong.  I love Hallmark.  I have an irresistible urge to buy stationary and therefore Hallmark is like heaven to me.  Also, while I really truly hate Valentine's Day, I'll take any excuse to buy $8.99 cards from Papyrus and eat chocolate in a guilt-free, loving environment.

But really, since I feel that our relationship is the king of all relationships, I most certainly do not need an excuse to celebrate my love for my husband.  We celebrate on a daily basis by hugging and kissing and making each other laugh with vulgar humor!

Of course, since we have our Squirtbaby now, we have to spread our love around.  Good thing he's the cutest baby and we love loving him. 

Also, like mother, like son...it would appear that he too likes shopping for gorgeous cards at Papyrus because he got his daddy the cutest card!  (Although nothing can compare to his little Squirtsignature on my  most recent birthday card!)

Anyhoo, hope everyone is celebrating the holidays with someone they love.  And that you're eating and drinking and being merry!  (If you're drinking have a few for me, since my alcohol consumption is quite limited for the time being...which is a change from our usual Valentine's festivities!)

Here's a picture of my two favorite Valentines!

squirtchamp

I bet you thought I abandoned this blog.  Didn't you?  Well, you thought WRONG!

We were just away for a while having some good family fun.  We felt it was best to introduce the boy to all the family craziness at once.  Like ripping off a bandaid...just get it over with!

He actually did great.  He got passed around to all the grandmas and great-grandmas and aunts and uncles and neighbors.  Let me tell you, he was a trooper.  There were times he got a little cranky, but apparently when you're not his mom or dad that's easy to ignore.

The biggest milestone while we were away...he slept through the night...TWICE!  And I'm not talking about 10pm to 2am.  We had that nonsense down weeks ago.  No, I'm talking 9pm to 8am...TWICE!

What he's not yet smart enough to realize is that I'm onto him now.  I know he can do it now.  I will him to do it again every night when I put him to sleep.  Really it just means that I go crazy now when he wakes up at 2am (like he's been doing the last couple of nights).  Soon enough he'll realize that sleep is AWESOME!

Ok so, now onto other nonsense for those of you who are interested in such things.

We went for our two month checkup yesterday and the Squirtmonster was monsterific!  First of all, he's awesome.  Second of all, he's enormous...14.4lbs and over 25 inches long.

He only cried while he was actually getting his shots.  As soon as they were done poking him and I picked him up he was interested in the picture on the wall and not the pain in his leg.  He is a little under the weather now but come on, the little dude got like 10 vaccines!

So yeah, he was awesome.  Mama, on the other hand, was a total airhead (please keep your comments to yourself)!  

So when we got back from our trip I cleaned out the diaper bag because everyone we know has pets and I wanted to wash everything in the bag.  Good intentions, but what happened was that I ran out of the house with an empty diaper bag!  Awesome.

Luckily it had diapers in it.  But that was about it.  So when I got him undressed to weigh him he had the tiniest spot of poop on the leg of his onsie.  So I reached into the bag to get him another one and realized it was empty.

But never fear, I said to myself.  It's not a big deal and I'll just be really careful and make sure I get him a new diaper immediately and we'll be fine (because we had a long list of errands to run after that).  Then the tech asked if I had a blanket to keep him warm while we waited.  At this I had to admit my bad motherness and tell her no.  But again, no prob, they had an extra.

So after Squirt got poked and prodded and examined and sung to and fed I put all his clothes on him and got ready to go.  When I laid him down to put his socks on him it happened.  Sneak attack!  I didn't even see any poop on him, but it was all over the exam table.  

And I mean all over!

So here I am, in this sweltering exam room, freaking out.  What kind of mother am I?  It's -10 degrees outside and I'm going to have to take my child out to the car naked!!!!!

So I started to get him undressed, again, and I remembered that I had put a little, tiny, adorable hooded sweatshirt in the bag (because it was -10 degrees outside).  And as luck would have it, his pants were completely poop free. (Yes, poop all up his back, but none on his pants.  I try not to question it.)

At that point I thought, he's completely clothed, we're going out.  So my little man went to the mall looking like a playa in his hooded sweatshirt with no shirt on underneath.  When I texted George the picture of him he was like why is he not wearing a shirt?  I tried to explain, but it didn't translate well over text message.

Oh well, lesson learned!

I'm off now, to try to get some sleep and pray that the babe only wakes up once tonight!

He says: Yeah, I'm the king of this bed!

answer me this

How is one's mothering style determined?

Is it what your own mother did?  Or didn't do?

Is it based on the most recent parenting book you read?

Does your personality decide what kind of mother you're going to be?

I think that parents are like athletes.  Some people are natural athletes.  We all know these people.  We hate them.  Natural athletes can throw any ball, swing any racquet, and swim any stroke... and are normally super attractive (like I said, we hate them).  But you can't forget about the rest of the athletes.  They are just as good as the natural athletes (although they probably have fewer dates) but they have to work really hard at it.

I am the latter, in both the athletic and parenting worlds.  I'm being the best mother I can be, it's just that not one part of this job comes naturally to me.  I mean, come on, I'm still trying to find my mothering style.  My kid keeps changing his mind and his schedule, so I keep changing my angle on mothering.

I think my mothering style will ultimately be a combination of all these things (although George wishes I wouldn't read so much trendy parenting advice).  Hopefully, one of these things can steer me in the right direction.  Otherwise my kid is screwed!

who knew?

Who knew that breastmilk was so addicting?

This guy is seriously addicted.  And when he needs a fix, he needs it now! When he's hungry, he's in seek and destroy mode.  He turns into a bloodhound, trying to sniff it out! 

But the best part, is his breastmilk hangover!  After he eats, he gets this drunk look...his eyes are only half open, he's sleepy, and he can't hold his head up.  Sometimes he even throws up...ahhh, just like a real hangover.  It's hilarious.  But since he's pint size it only last a short amount of time.  A five minute nap and he rallies!  

Also, it is during this time he makes my very favorite face...the Stevie Wonder face.  I'm not trying to be insensitive, he just looks exactly like him...I just called, to say, I love you...

Who knew I'd get peed on so much?  And, who knew I wouldn't care?

Ok I don't love being peed on, I mean I'm not Rex Ryan!  But my Squirtbaby is just so cute I can't be upset about it.  What I don't love though, is the laundry.

Who knew that my boy, who got my blockhead, would have a profile that looked exactly like his dad, who does not have a blockhead?

Seriously, it's the cutest thing.  And it freaked me out when I saw it the first time.  So handsome, my boys.

Who knew I'd be so upset about my giant boobs?

If I were a man, I'd be a boob man, but these are seriously ridiculous.  I hate them.  They are in my way.  And have you seen these nursing bras?  What's a girl gotta do to get a supportive nursing bra around here?  Seriously, there is no bra on this planet that could make these girls look perky right now.

Who knew?

 

Isn't this picture the cutest?!?!  Squirt is loving two of his warmest gifts, his Patagonia coat and his baby sherpa boots!  We took advantage of the beautiful weather today to go on another walk.  George had him in the carrier again and said he could relate to me being pregnant because he couldn't see his feet!  Yeah, try carrying that load for 9 months and then we'll talk!!!

So we took our Squirtmonster to the pediatrician this week for his two week check-up, in his third week of life!  Turns out...he is a giant!  My three week old infant weighs 10lbs 13 oz!  Yeah...that's right!  

My girlfriend's daughter was born two days after Squirt and I'm pretty sure she said she weighs 6lbs 13 oz.  I mean, Squirt could eat her for lunch!  

The baby is seriously huge, no wonder he wants to eat every hour!  Mama, however, is not so happy about that part!  Do you know how exhausting it is to nurse every hour???  Do you know how little I can get done during the day when I'm nursing every hour?  Does anyone know when my Squirtgiant will learn to cooperate with his mama?  So many questions...

Ok internet peeps, I'm off to nurse...again!  And then hopefully my pride and joy will decide to sleep for 6 hours (wishful thinking)!

you can call me mr. i-pee-all-over-everytime-my-diaper-is-changed

Here's a good one: I've never taken care of a baby boy before!  

I have a sister.  I don't think I ever even babysat for a boy that was still in diapers.  Therefore, changing baby boy diapers is brand-freaking-new to me!  And it is an adventure every single time!

When we were registering for baby gifts, I saw these little "peepee teepee's", and I thought they were ridiculous!  But now I know why someone would think to invent this.  Actually, it could be the most useful invention ever.

Specifically, my boychild pees all over himself approximately 85% of the time he has his diaper changed.  He finds it particularly upsetting when he hits himself in the face.  His mama finds it particularly upsetting when he pees all over freshly cleaned sheets!  We're working on a better system!

*****

This afternoon we ventured into the wild outdoors!  I think it was good for all of us to get out of the house.  George put him in the carrier and the three of us went on our merry way!  It was fun and relaxing!  Also, it made for a good photo op!