a tale of two boobs

***Warning: this post is about boobs.  Specifically...my boobs.

Apparently, only one of my boobs can read.

I sent the ladies a very official memo stating that my Squirtkiddo and I were done breastfeeding, but only Lefty got the message.  Righty seems to be under the impression that we're still trying to feed a 6 month old boy who's the size of a one year old!

She is wrong.

She is killing me.

I am officially LopsidedMama.  I mean seriously, try not to stare...because it's obvious!

But for real, experienced mothers, help this mama out!  I don't know what to do about this predicament!  Do I relieve the pressure?  (Because I'm getting more painful, and lopsided, by the minute.)  Or do I give her some tough love and just let her work it out on her own?  Help me!!!

And...here's a video in which my child is entertained by his own hand.  This actually happens alot.  Hmmm.

dr. nonsense

People!  Blogger just made my day!  (I'm pathetic, let's not dwell on it.)  No but really, I just clicked some box and now I have a mobile version of this site!!!  Rock on!

And I swear I'm trying to do something about this horrible header.  It's terrible.  But what's worse, is the amount of time I spend trying to figure out what to change it to, and how to do it.  Grrrr.

Ok, here's the stats on my munchkin from our SIX MONTH visit:
Weight: 19 lb. 7 oz.
Height: 28 5/8 inches
Head: huge
Number of shots: 2
Time (in seconds) spent crying after shots: 7
Hours spent at office for routine well child visit: 2
Mama's mood when finally leaving said well child visit: priceless...no I'm joking, I was livid!

So, I'm contemplating a new pediatrician.  Seriously, our appointment was a 10:30 am and they were already that far behind.  We waited for an hour, in the room.  When I told George that, he apparently couldn't hear me and said you waited for an hour in the waiting room?  Negative, we waited in the room.  I would have been less annoyed waiting in the waiting room.  Nope, instead we could hear the PedDevil in the hall and could only pray that we were next.  Which we weren't...for an hour!

Also, try entertaining your child in that environment for an hour.  I mean, yes, he does love the paper on the exam table.  He loves smacking it, and ripping it, and shaking it, and even eating it.  But it's freaking paper, even babies can't be entertained by paper for an hour.  And yes, I brought toys with me.  But he's six months old, his attention span only lasts like 3 minutes.

George has a theory that pediatricians are what's wrong with this world and I'm beginning to think so too.  (No offense pediatrons.  Also, if you're say, marrying a pediatrician, don't mention this post to him...you know who you are!)  My pediatrician told me to boil my water before giving it to Squirt.  Seriously?  Seriously.  No, but what?  Yeah, that's what she said, because he could get a parasite.  Damn it, we could all get a parasite!  I would like to see the data on the number of parasites obtained by infants from the city water in this Hippie Kingdom/town we live in.  And, she wasn't joking.  In fact she looked at me like what kind of mother are you, not boiling your water?  George told me I should tell her we live on a farm and she what she says then.  Annoying.  Boil the water...insane.

(I will say that AK's Dr. PedsFiance told me that if it doesn't make sense I shouldn't do it.  So he seems like a special kind of pediatrician/normal person/keeper!)

For the record, it does make me feel like a bad patient, to think about switching doctors.  I mean, she's just trying to tell me what she thinks I should do to make my kiddo big and strong.  If I were her I'd be annoyed by me.  I'd be all why do I waste my breath if she's not going to listen?  But at the same time, I feel like some of her advice is impractical (hence this rant).  And I don't want to be "doctor shopping" but shouldn't I want a Dr. that I "click" with?  What's a mama to do?

Good God, I'm getting all excited again so I'd better shut up.  But let's all look at pictures of my baby now to feel better.  That always works for me!

 

 

mama: 1, parenting: 1,000,000. at least i got one!

Ok, I'm gonna ignore the fact that I haven't posted in, well, forever! And instead, I'm gonna tell you about this book I read!  Yeah, I am.

I've read a ton of parenting books, because guess what???  Parenting is stressful!  And I am type-A.  And I would prefer a step-by-step guide to parenting, instead of the each-child-is-different-do-what-feels-right guide to parenting.  Puke.

The most recent book I read was about sleep.  Ahhhhh sleep.  We have since mastered the nighttime sleeping, and I will take credit personally for that one.  That was all me, no books!  Psst, that was your cue to tell me how awesome I am.  Or even better, tell my husband how awesome I am.

Back to the topic now, I was recently perusing Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby.  And by perusing, I mean jumping about 20 pages at a time because I couldn't stand to hear the same thing over and over and over.  But then I finally got to the good part...

According to Dr. Weissbluth, there are two methods for putting your baby to bed at night.  Apparently, there are completely different methods for putting your baby down for daytime naps...of course, duh!  So these night time methods, which are creatively named Method A and Method B, were ha...wait for it...larious!

Method A: Let your baby cry-it-out so they can learn to self-soothe and have healthy sleep habits.

OR

Method B: Go to your baby when he cries and be the worst parent ever.

The book does make a point to mention that neither method is right or wrong.  Yeah right.

In Dr. Weissbluth's defense, the personal stories in the book were helpful, showing how parents moved from Method B to Method A.  We did that too and now our Squirtbaby is sleeping very soundly through the night.  And I didn't even need a book to tell me that!

Make a note:  One parenting success for me...and it only took 5 months...rock on!

Now...please try to ignore the fact that these pictures make my poor child's eyes look seriously caddy-wompass (haha)!

conversations with, I mean, about, breast pumps

The second day we came home from the hospital with Squirt a visiting nurse came to our house.  She was awesome, by the way, as nurses tend to be.  But my current point is that she helped me select the perfect breast shield for my breast pump.  And I've been having conversations with my breast pump ever since.

At first it was saying, LetDownLetDownLetDown.  Now that we have a more mature relationship (i.e. since I crank up the suction and therefore my pump is dying) it says, Let Doooowwwwn...Let Doooowwwwn...Let Doooowwwwn.  George and I laugh about this all the time but I figured we were just being a little sleep deprived! WRONG!  

At work today some of my new mama friends, Thelma and Louise (did you know those aren't their real names?), and I were having a good laugh at the secret language of the pump.  Thelma said her sister asked if her pump was talking to her yet.  She thought this was a strange question.  But me and Louise assured her that if it hadn't whispered in her ear yet, it would soon.  Interestingly enough, Louise's says different things to her.  Maybe there's a perfect pump out there for each lactating mama!

Somehow this reminded me of my dad.  He says funny things.  For instance, if I said "The other day I was talking to myself and...", he would say "Just as long as you're not answering yourself!"    It made me think...if my pump is talking to me, what does it mean if I start talking back to it? (That felt like a weird Carrie Bradshaw type moment, whatevs.)

And now...pictures of the boob-monster!

ayo, i'm tired of using technology

Did you notice my new blog banner?  You can't miss it...it's a giant picture of my kid's head!  I have created and recreated about 27 new blog banners.  And I'm still not satisfied.

Hence, I hate technology.  (Seriously, I'm sure my iPhone is good for more than the calendar and calculator functions, but I wouldn't really know about that now would I?  I can't even figure out iTunes, so...)

Anyway, I know what I want to do for my banner but I just can't seem to figure it out.  Although, I will cut myself a little slack.  I mean, if I had more time I'm sure I could get it.  But until then, I will keep making and remaking blog banners.

By the by, I feel eating pizza right now.

Also, did you know that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children under two do not watch TV at all?  Like, AT. ALL?  As in, none.  Or, nada, if you will.

I'm not proposing that I plop my perfect son in front of the television for any period of time, but...it's baseball season, peeps.  There is no way that my SquirtSlugger is going to make it all the way to freaking October without watching a significant amount of baseball...George is making sure of that.

Unrelated, we're going to the pediatrician tomorrow for our four month check up.  George gave explicit instructions that I feed the SquirtBabe alot before we go so he can make weight!  When we went two weeks ago when he was sick, his weight was only in the 78th percentile, which is apparently unacceptable for the daddy in this house.  We'll have to see how that goes, hopefully he can bulk up by then!  Maybe I can convince him not to poop until we get back, that should add a bunch of weight!

baby got back

My baby's got back.  Yeah, we should just call him Sir Eats-a-lot.

Seriously, he will not stop eating.  It's been a very long, loud weekend with him getting cranky every 60-90 minutes.  Mama's exhausted from all this feeding, kiddo!  I mean I feel bad about it, he's eating more than I can make, but we're gonna have to come up with some sort of plan here Squirtbuddy!

In all seriousness, I think he's getting ready for another growth spurt.  We're going to the pediatrician in a few weeks so we'll get an official weight then.  According to the scale here at Fort Squirt he's about 16.5 lbs.  To put that in perspective, the oldest kid in his daycare class can walk and he's the same size as the Squirtdogg!

I mean, check out the cheeks on this kid!

In other Squirt news, he's getting so good at reaching and grabbing.  Unfortunately, that means he's getting really good at grabbing my hair...and he doesn't know "no"...but, we're working on that. 

In the last few days he's also gotten noticeably better at holding things.  Which means that at dinner the other night, Daddy gave him a knife to hold on to.  Apparently, that was a better choice than the fork that was also available! 

The Bumbo is also getting more use now.  Whereas before it was the Leaning Tower of Squirt, he now has much better control of his abs and back so he's sitting up a lot straighter!  I think he's going to be sitting up by himself soon.  I'm sure that will mean he no longer has any use for me, but good for him!

Finally, after taking a very scientific and official poll, it was determined that Squirt is very advanced for his age.  Here is the Mommy Evidence to prove it!

Don't be jealous...they can't all be Dr. McDrooly!

there's been a development

Wait...have I told you that I have the cutest baby ever?  Well, I do, so there!

In terms of the aforementioned development, it's a doozy!  After 13 and 2/7 weeks of my Squirtbaby looking like the spitting image of his mama, I think he has decided he's done with that.  The consensus seems to be indicating that Squirt The Great is now looking more like the man in his life, namely one George McDaddy!

How exciting is this!  I, for one, am pleased as punch!  While I have always wanted to know what I would look like if I were a man (sense the sarcasm), having a little manbaby that looks like my favorite husband is quite possibly the best thing ever!  In fact, it makes me feel pretty darn proud!  Since I clearly did all the baby work myself (poor me) I will now take credit for creating the most handsome little boy ever seen.

*****

Other updates this week include: 

- survival of our second week of daycare

- recovery from his first cold is going nicely

- turning over from back to front like it's his job

- baby sized efforts to grab at things

- and a possible giggle sighting!

Have a great weekend!  Pray for springtime!